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My Past Week In Satire 6th Issue #SNRTG

Silly woman with blow dryer

Man what a past couple of weeks. I feel like I’ve spent all week in my house but from somebody elses perspective. Sort of like I was where they were at looking from their view…..weird. Felix was having a difficult time too. His ears were itching like crazy and he doesn’t really sound much like a cat. More like a synthetic or robot cat. I think he’s got one of them Socialist Space Aliens in his head. I’ve tried getting those weirdos out but seems like they’re stuck in there good. He’s been pretty grumpy lately.

I saw this one picture on Facebook of this really weird looking fat lady. She looked like one of them characters from the movie 300. I could have sworn I saw the same thing across the street in another yard where this lady was commanding and demanding this Amish guy. He was trying to weedeat and she wouldn’t leave him be. I felt sorry for that guy. Then when I went to the gas station it seemed like I came across the same thing only this time it was a dude. I don’t know I think some people get into that philosophy of parallelism too much.

I remember when I was in high school I got invited to a party. Most of the kids at the party were the type that like that Emo and Gothic fashion. There were some Nerds there too so that didn’t bother me too much. Some of the kids were in one big room watching Anime and there was another group sitting in the living room playing this role playing game. But I think some people get into that kind of thing waaaaay too much kinda like those people that play adventure role playing video games and they really get into it. I don’t know I went over to both groups and I thought the role playing game group was too weird so I watched some Anime. That wasn’t as weird.

I forgot all about those things and I guess now when I see somebody doing something weird that’s probably what they’re doing. Some people when they read a book they go a little too far and dress up like one of the characters. But I guess it’s better to do something like that instead of trying to mind meld somebody or use that brain alien teleport hologram technology.

I remember waking up a couple of times in the middle of the night and Larry Kudlow, Tomi Lahren, and some other news anchors teleported next to my bed and at first it looked like they were all holding hands singing Kumbiya when I opened my eyes. But I noticed my head was moving around without me moving my head. I felt the back of my head and I thought for a second I looked like one of them alien chicks from that movie “Battlefield Earth”. They got that extended head and all of a sudden the people standing next to my bed started chanting “Netflix rules, bus, bus, bus, Netflix rules.” That was weird whatever that meant. Then my stepmom kinda wizzed by in the same type of flash like the Socialist Space Aliens do when their faces get stuck in that crazy position and she was mumbling something about finding a girlfriend like her for her stepson. I thought “I really do not want a girlfriend that looks like her. She has this witch looking nose, a lazy eye, and likes to command and demand things.” Maybe she wasn’t talking about me.

But, I guess I wouldn’t mind marrying a witch. There’s good ones and bad ones. Most of the good witches are drop dead gorgeous and they have some awesome super powers. It’s just not many will talk to me it seems and I don’t have any clue why. I guess I’m just too grumpy most of the time. But if you had people like Larry Kudlow and a bunch of news anchors visiting you almost every other night in holographic teleportation wouldn’t you be a little grumpy? But, I think I’ve pretty much given up on a girlfriend because now days everybody has all these weird names for men and women except for what they really are. I know what I am though and I know what you are when I see you. But not everybody is Jamin Chavez.

But, it seemed like they were trying to extend the back of my head so more people could holographic teleport in there. Then I heard something about a living room, a couch, and chairs and Felix flew in and started beating the heck out of everything in sight with his Space Alien baseball bat. I heard him cussing and carrying on like he was so mad his fur was on fire or something. He threw me my Space Alien baseball bat he got me for Christmas and we got to work. I don’t even know why those other two were in my room and none of that made any sense.

They had the usual messed up mascara with bedhead and Larry had a mustache this time. He doesn’t have much hair on top so his hair wasn’t really messed up but I’ve noticed my hair thinning on top a little. Once me and Felix got everybody cleared out I sat down and asked Felix “Dude, how the heck am I going to find the time to write more books and make Podcasts if all these weird people keep bothering me and waking me up in the middle of the night? Half the time I don’t even know if some of these people are who they project. They’re pretty good at shape and voice shifting.” Felix replied kinda panting with “Well, we’re just going to have to keep kicking butt until both of us find a girlfriend.” I rolled my eyes and asked “Why the heck do you keep on bringing that up?” He said “Because that’s like one of the most important things ever.” I kind of looked at him in disbelief and said “Man, you know those weirdo Socialist Space Aliens keep all the women so busy and messed up I really do not think that will ever happen.” He replied “Jamin, I think it’s because you’re so grumpy all the time and there’s usually somebody pretending to be you. Sometimes you kinda go all Drill Sergeant and get kinda gruff.” I said “Well, that’s just the way I am. But I’m not going to be that way towards the woman I love.” Felix said “Hmmm that is true knowing you…” I kinda gave him this look like I did not want to talk about it anymore and then he got this ornery grin on his face raised his tail and let out a cat fart. Even though Felix can talk to me and he’s an alien cat even he gets surprised when he lets out a fart. We both laughed and I said “Enough for tonight I’m going to sleep.”


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