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My Past Week In Satire 9th Issue

Silly woman with blow dryer

Holy cow, it has been one heck of a week. It seems like everybody on the wrong side of society decided to teleport themselves to me, including Jay-Z, Beyonce, Larry Kudlow, Hillary Clinton, and even the local city street paving crew. I’m not sure where Felix went but he came up missing about three or four weeks ago when Korns latest song came out.

I’ve been fighting the Socialist Space Aliens by myself and I’ve seen some pretty weird things. Peoples faces and bodies changing almost over night and instantaneously, random people teleporting in on holograms telling me to my face they own me and my business, I found a couple of animals that were teleported in from the neighbors, and my cousins leading everybody on a wild goose chase just to show them the gold they had everybody chasing was a price tag on two of the t-shirts I have for sale at the book store. It’s crazy what people will do when they have random people teleporting to them in their sleep and they wake up doing weird things because they think they’re somebody else.

Those Socialist Space Aliens got together and infiltrated even Mike Pence and Mike Pompeo’s mind. They got those two talking about football this and football that and they even got Mike Pence thinking he owned PPHC Compass Publisher. I think I heard one of them call me a horse too, I’m not sure but I had to purchase a new high tech alien baseball bat with all the people I had to beat the heck out of.

Some of the people the Socialist Space Aliens infiltrated got to thinking my business was a Department of Public Works business, another dude said it was a furniture moving business, and every time I had to make upgrades to my front porch a whole bunch of people teleported in even more to say they upgraded and owned my porch. While I was working on that I had to stop and take down some Socialist Space Aliens. I took my orange drill, which I modified into a mini plasma cannon, and took some of them down too. For some reason people still think they can make money out of thin air which the previous week every one of them saw the fake gold they thought they were going to get was just two t-shirts they had to purchase with real tangible money. But, every time I stop and ask people where has doing the things they’ve done gotten them by chasing after fake money, they just kind of give me a deer in the headlights look like “what you mean that’s not real and I’ve never really gotten anywhere or anything with thin air fake money?” I tell them every time, unequivocally “No, if you think about it the things you have you’ve actually worked for physically equal to the amount of hours you’ve worked at your work. Unless you’ve purchased something on credit.” Then they just blink a couple of times and don’t really know what to say. I just shake my head and think to myself “It’s not your fault they’ll learn eventually, but it’s going to be a pain in the but teaching them that lesson and even then they might not learn.”

But, I remember making a high tech sign for one of the other local businesses down the street. His was old and worn out. He wanted a sign that could be protected and had encryption dynamics like that. I did everything the way I do, unequivocally, you know the real Jamin Chavez and not anybody else. Even then I had to get out my high tech baseball bat occasionally and knock down some Socialist Space Aliens. Even though the way I did everything looked and seemed dumb the end result was like magic.

I also found some other dude, a banker at my bank, is an author from some weird planet called Moron 3. Everybody there is kind of tall, slender, and has a slightly painful wide-eyed look on their face. I found out he was really jealous of pretty much every one of my skills and that he’s a banker and an author stuck working there while I actually own and operate a publishing business, write, and sell books. People from that planet get really jealous anyway but come to find out the neighbors cat walked up to me one day with some intel. She didn’t tell me her name but said she was filling in for Felix, from the planet Barf, until I got another replacement. She said the banker author dude was behind almost everything and my Aunt and Uncle were controlling him with a mini positronic brain. I said “Ok thanks for the intel. I’ll send a message to the bank. Thanks.” She strode away turned and paused for a second and said “I know, I’m going to catch some rabbits.”

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Updates to PPHC Compass Publisher

To all of PPHC Compass Publisher’s followers and subscribers. Cyle Kelly and Alexander Kirk are not with us anymore. Their day work keeps them too busy. However, if there are any of YOU that would like to contribute please send an email.

  • PPHC Compass Publisher has added the PPHC Compass Bookstore. Now we have a physical location with books being added to the shelves periodically. Indie Authors will get first priority when ordering and then selling books on our shelves since we are an Indiebound Affiliate. We have also teamed up with Ingram so we can order any book our customers want.
  • We have new and improved products available with better designs and higher quality. We now “dropship” with “Printify” and most of their products are made in the United States. New products are being added periodically and the new theme is “Tech Nerd Culture”. So if any of YOU are an Indie of any kind and YOU love PPHC Compass Publisher these are for YOU. We will have Nerd Culture themed products soon as well.
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    How Much Does It Take In Finding Resolve?

    I have been in fights before when I was younger and I’ve been in many arguments that could have been avoided in the past. However, now days it seems all people want to do is argue with another, ridicule, and spit rhetoric to fan the flames of anger and emotions. Anger and emotions that could genuinely be dissipated by healthy interaction.

    These days we make comments on Social Media, we text, and email. We have created this sort of distanced and very annoying agitator machine similar to “Pennywise” from the book “It” until somebody becomes angry to do something they might have not done otherwise if they were closer physically and emotionally to their family, friends, acquaintances, or co-workers. This could be called cyber bullying, camwhoring, doxxing, or what I call Urban Asymetrics brought on by the various types of Trolls that most likely pool together because they might have social disorders or extreme jealousy nobody wants to deal with. This might be true especially when anybody has tried to interact with one of these individuals or a group of them in person. It’s almost impossible to communicate or come to an understanding with these types of individuals.

    Since we have chosen to distance ourselves each of these Trolls has become an “It” or “Pennywise”. Most everybody has read the book and for those that have not have heard of this and know of the theme such as the book “Battlefield Earth”. I’m not putting down either of these books. However, what my point is that the authors I believe have tried to explain a problem in society and there needs to be a solution. But, I believe these dynamics have been allowed to fester shortly after these books became popular and for those that allowed the popularity to fade into a distant memory the individuals that remembered and the fewer that came to somehow have an affection for the story might be the individuals we call Trolls.

    Trolls can be anywhere and on any platform. But, how do they have an effect on us? Some of them say their purpose is to bring about discussion or change. I find that these individuals are immature and have little experience in addition to their lack of articulation in realizing that they too are driven by SOME THING that causes them to be lacking or act carelessly. This leads me to my point on the title of this blog post “How Much Does It Take In Finding Resolve?”

    Another question is how many instances will an individual allow themselves to be affected by that SOME THING or whatever it is that knows the angels strength and immense potential for good in this world? It seems the stronger and more important the individual the more Trolls or in another manner of speaking…demons that individual has. On the flip side if there is an individual that is strong, capable, intelligent, and has an immense amount of influence for good and positiveness…truth and light; and other people know this how long will it take before they realize they might be alone and have become lost under the weight of the extreme pressure brought on by the immense pressure of Trolls and demons? Why does the one individual, unequivocally and anybody, allow themselves to NOT become irritated just enough with themselves they finally realize they have within them great truth, light, potential, and strength and why does the greater whole not realize they have become driven and infiltrated by the burden of subtle Trolls making them become past feeling, unthoughtful, and uncaring for the one individual that they realize they need to find the bulwark of their strength, drive, and determination? What happens when that leader(s) is gone? That reality comes close when we have realized they’re lost, figuratively speaking, and have had to work extra hard to recover them.

    The answer is that most do not know the first, most simple, and yet most effective principle of leadership. They need to and they must, no matter if they are a leader or begin as a follower, if we are to win each day and remember always the first principle of leadership. That is if a leader takes care of their subordinates they will take care of their leader. Seems simple to read and easy to understand but takes practice, learning, and gaining experience to master. This principle is endless yet highly effective. Taking care of your subordinates does not mean they get to do everything they want rather a leader must instill in them that awesome feeling of accomplishment and achievement after they have done their best or have fought the good fight, figuratively speaking. In most instances their reward is the leaders approval, a sincere lesson of instruction, or an honest counseling session. The best and most encompassing reward they will never forget is a leader that always shows they are trying THEIR best even if they are not perfect. This helps their subordinates realize that if and when they fall short of something they have the imperfections of their leader to help them find their resolve to do better, to try again, and strive to look after their leader the way a principled follower does. Don’t get me wrong, even as a follower there are moments and opportunities for leadership.

    Often one of the hardest lessons to learn, if we are not used to the first principle of leadership, is repetition. Repetition has the potential to be painful in its various forms depending on what we have to go through. If we do not try our best the first time it is most likely we will have to do something again. Repetition can be a powerful tool in honing the skills we need to become stronger and more effective in what we do. This is also how and eventually we surpass and outlast our enemies. We learn from the pain of lessons and we place more attention and care to something we have to do no matter what it is. Always remember that to find resolve we must use the two principles of repetition and the first principle of leadership or else we will be left to trepidate. We must not trepidate.

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      My Past Week In Satire 8th Issue

      Silly woman with blow dryer

      Holy mother fun lovin flying squirrels and Texas sized mosquito’s, it has been one heck of a week. I’m not sure where I’ve been but I do know I had a birthday on the 9th that was ok. Yes, to me my birthday was just ok. I got a lot of birthday wishes but I got grumpy and decided to pretty much work the whole day.

      Felix was doing his normal intel gathering and travels throughout the neighborhood. All I know is that the past month or two I realized quick that Felix and I, not to mention everybody else, had been through the exact same situations and scenarios with the exact same people, and saying pretty much the exact same things to the same people. I would wake up with my head feeling like I had a hangover for about a month straight. I’m not sure how that happened especially since I don’t drink. Also, the same people tried visiting me and I’ve gathered my neighbors have spread some gossip making me into some crazy dude that can only be talked to about once every two or three months. I mean I know I pick my nose even when I’m outside and I scratch my butt when everybody is looking but holy cow! I’m not crazy….I’m just really into running my bookstore and publishing business and it seems like there’s way too many rednecks around where I live.

      During those mornings of weird hangovers and groundhog day occurrences I’d usually end up getting irritated just like everybody else and throw something. I think at some point I accidentally wiped a booger on Felix, got irritated at myself, and just when I looked up to let out a sigh of exasperation one of the neighbor kids was standing about fifteen feet away from me picking his nose. So, I picked the booger out of Felix’s fur and asked him if he had any information for me.

      Felix said “I’m not sure, it took me a while to wake up from my hangover too. I wasn’t able to go anywhere today or yesterday. I slept so much I think I drooled on your pillow while you were working.” I kind of hand palmed my forehead and said “Ok, I’ll forgive you for that since I accidentally wiped a booger on your fur.” The past month or two I’ve stopped watching the news altogether because I got tired of being visited at random hours of the night by news personalities scaring the crap out of me with their crazy hair and runny mascara. Every time they poof into my bedroom through the teleport that’s pretty much what they end up looking like. I’m sure they look prettier before they teleport but I think the technicians tweek that on purpose so they won’t visit me so much in the middle of the night. However, I don’t think any of them have learned their lesson and most of them don’t have any shame it seems like.

      For some reason the volume of people trying to visit me picked up tremendously and Felix was about to go crazy with all the notes they were trying to make him take down. Everything was so much of a daze and haze that when I saw the Socialist Space Aliens wiz by on their alfalfa brooms they didn’t look as crazy. Their usual stuck crazy face looked happy strangely enough. But, for some reason I didn’t think that detail was very important at the time.

      I mean even right now, some of the lady news anchors just teleported in scaring the crap out of Felix. They zapped in and Felix jumped up about five feet off the ground and bounced off the wall. As they walk up about two feet behind me I can see their messed up Afro like hair out of my peripheral vision. When this happens I dip my head in exasperation and let out an annoyed sigh. I ask “What the heck do you ladies want this time? You just scared the heck out of Felix and I really hate it when you guys look over my shoulder trying to tell me what to write. As if you guys don’t try to teleport into my house as quietly as you can without me noticing and try to get me to do whatever you want enough anyway.” I turn around and one of them gestures for a hug and I guess the look I gave her made her think twice. She kind of stepped back and said “Yes, I know the hair and mascara but we love you.” I replied “I don’t think so. I know you ladies. You work half way across the country and your just as bad as my three sisters when I was growing up. Always trying to say I’m cute, handsom, or I’m good at this, or Jamin you’re so strong can you do this or that for me? Ummmmm….no…give it a rest. I only listen to ladies that are not weirdos.” Then one of the news anchor ladies crossed her arms while leaning back on one leg and said “That’s our Daddy. Grumpy as heck some times but we love him.” I let out a sigh and rolled my eyes at them noticing Felix peek around the corner with his high tech baseball bat drawn ready to attack. I said “Ladies, I’m just going to ignore you for now ok? I’m a little annoyed.”

      The next day I was fed up. I got tired of waking up with a weird hangover feeling and decided to have Felix break out the tech scanner. We had to order another one because the last one got stolen. Somebody broke in and left a blue and white bandanna with circle patterns on it. He turned it on and reminded me to keep my hands holding the sides of my pants up even though I have a belt. For some reason that thing has a knack of loosening things like shoestrings and and watch bands after you go through it and neither of us wanted to risk being embarrassed. After I got done being scanned and we discovered both of us had tons of shrunken Socialist Space Aliens, politicians, news personalities, and local people in our heads. Some how Felix got shrunk and put into my head to which explains why both of us looked like those guys from “King of the Hill” standing out front drinking coffee. Hmmm

      All of a sudden I remember hearing somebody saying “who are these people” in the middle of the night, one night. I’m not sure if I was asleep or not but I remember seeing an energized ball of something coming at me and another person saying “They’re constituents”. Then I heard a muffled “Hmmhmm…hmmm….mhmhmmm” and I went back into the scanner to be analyzed. We found every individual that was in both our heads. Some got stuck, some were put there, and more than half were bad guys. Felix looked up at me and said “Ya know, this usually happens when the news people go into panic mode. You get irritated at them and everybody else, go and do your own thing, they either get worried, or ornery.” I looked back at him and said “Yeah I know but I just don’t understand why they didn’t just fight back when this happened because I’m sure what happened to me and you happened to them as well.” All of a sudden a buzzer sounded on the tech scanner and it pulled out Bernie Sanders. It was really weird because there were two or three of him in holographic form. That’s where the muffled sound was coming from.

      When Bernie Sanders popped out Felix and I could hear “Rumba” music and all three of the Bernie holograms were doing the “Cha Cha”. I’ve never seen Bernie Sanders dance before, but it is really something I never want to see again. We both drew our space alien baseball bats because as soon as he noticed us a bunch of Socialist Space aliens popped out of our heads to fight us and defend Bernie. Bernie Sanders ran away in a big poof and we got stuck fighting and beating the heck out of most everybody we pulled and maximized from our heads. We had so many people miniaturized in there that this went on for almost a week and a half. We also found that some of the last people to be pulled out were locals and three really annoying ladies that think bagging groceries is somehow working at a salon……weird.

      While fighting the Socialist Space Aliens Felix and I learned some new tactics. We call them “Play dough brain”, “starburst” which is us giving the bad guys the same feeling they gave us every morning, and the really tough aliens “BECIAN” which means brain electrify cloud ionize and neutralize. Saying the acronym sounds like beacon. Their kryptonite is all three but beacon is the worst.

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        My Past Week In Satire 7th Issue #SNRTG

        Silly woman with blow dryer

        I’m not sure exactly what’s going on, but I have had one heck of a…..I guess month. I’ve been really busy rebuilding a porch and fighting off Socialist Space Aliens at the same time with Felix. I learned that Jerrold Nadler is the Master of the Repeat. Felix came back with some intel from an Alien clan called Clan Giant Nose. They pronounce that different and in a language I can’t even say but that’s their name. For some reason they all look alike and have really big noses. The bigger their nose the higher their rank. Jerrold Nadler has a huge nose and Felix explained to me he’s from that clan.

        I also found out that Felix has been dating this lady that tried to get me in trouble. She has three kids, thinks she’s some sort of Barbie witch, eats nothing but Gluten free food, and her boyfriend looks like some character from the old “Rat Fink” 60s cartoons of ugly biker guys. Kinda weird that I think of it but his name starts with a “J” too.

        When I asked Felix about that he kinda paused and said “Well, I have more than one skill and even though I’m kinda dating her she doesn’t know what kind of secret equipment I can hide in my fur.” I said “OK, that works for me….is she listening to this conversation?” He replied “Yes, she probably is. Even though she’s not a Socialist Space Alien she thinks she can’t do anything unless she teleports to your head all the time. She told me she comes from a long line of good witches at first. Then I got to know her more and she’s actually evil. She turned that way when some dude made her angry. Hillary Clinton teleported to her head and Jerrold Nadler made her believe he is her father like Darth Vader did to Luke.” Felix paused for a moment tilted his head slightly to the side and said “I’m not sure why she thinks Jerrold Nadler is her father because their noses really don’t look the same. Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi have pretty much taught her everything she knows….which by now isn’t much compared to how much you know. Things just get annoying because Jerrold Nadler of Clan Giant Nose keeps making everything repeat itself. But, somehow even that Barbie Witch Lady seems to forget. Maybe that’s why she’s so angry all the time.”

        I said “All that’s really weird and that’s probably why I keep having to explain things to everybody. Those two are really annoying. Yes, I know she’s teleported to my head and listening. I can hear that smug and arrogant deep lady voice she has like she thinks she’s Maleficent or something.” Just then I involuntarily bit my lip, got irritated, tapped the Invert button on my teleport belt, grabbed Felix, and jumped in to kick her butt. I hate it when they get irritated at me even though they teleported to my head or sector.

        Poof! Me and Felix jumped back out while sheathing our Space Alien baseball bats. I said to Felix “Man, she gets really irritated when she knows I’m right doesn’t she?” Felix bust out laughing with that hiss laugh of his while saying “I bet she gets even more irritated when she’s reminded she chose an ugly boyfriend.” We both shared a laugh and got back to work on the porch. Just before we started working Felix reminded me he had some more intel to share with me.

        We took a break and Felix began explaining to me some more things he found out. Felix said “Well, I have something I’m sure you’ll find interesting, might make you happy, I’m not sure yet. But here goes…I found out there are tons of awesome women that took a vote on the multiple wife thing and they all voted yes.” I kinda looked at him in disbelief and Felix gestured with his paw to hold on for a second. He continued “The women in the United States have gotten really tired of not being able to find a good man and fighting the Socialist Space Aliens for things that matter most to them. They realized that when there’s more of them there are all kinds of benefits. There’s a lot of people that have been doing that anyway.” I said ok I’ll accept that but how come I haven’t noticed anything different or why hasn’t any ladies approached me about this? Felix replied thoughtfully “Hmmm….I’ll have to ask the counsel of Mothers about this. I’m sure they’ll have an answer very soon.” I replied “I mean if they’ve been having that much trouble finding a good man or I guess finding their way to me and other guys they want to be in a multiple relationship with, why don’t they seem like their eagerness matches their troubles or adversity? Something doesn’t seem to be right. You’d think that before you explained this to me they’d have some time to talk about this and already chosen guys they wanted to be with.” Felix replied “This is probably because of that Gluten Free eating Barbie Witch and her evil witch army. They always try to sneak into conversations, warp, and twist things and then all the other women seem to get confused instead of talking to us like they should.” I said “Hmmm, you’re probably right. I know this is probably really important to them and besides you’ve told me multiple times it’s not easy protecting my butt. Yes, it’s a good idea to double check with the Counsel of Mothers. Make this a top priority. I’m getting tired of having to break this crazy cycle of Romantic Foolery.”